“Siblings rivalry new baby,” a tired new mom said as she shrugged. “You know how it is”
Newborn babies take almost all of their parent’s time and attention, and the result is siblings left with big emotions.
This new change leads to feelings of resentment, hatred, and jealousy from other siblings. If this harmless rivalry is not stopped in time, it can lead to more violent behavior in later life.
According to research, 40% of American children are physically aggressive toward their siblings. It is an alarming percentage that is increasing every year.
If you are worried about introducing a new baby to your family (and we have some tips for coping with a toddler and newborn), don’t be, because sibling rivalry toward newborns is manageable. It is more about creating a balance in your family life and taking help from your spouse and other relatives.
Having had my share of sibling rivalry behavior in my first son I’d like to share nine helpful tips to handle sibling rivalry towards a new baby efficiently.
Siblings Rivalry New Baby: How to Manage
Before we dig into the tips and tricks for handling sibling rivalry, it’s good to remind ourselves that every child is different and might act differently in the presence of a new baby. With love, attention, and communication, you can create a warm, loving bond between your children and be a happy family. Here are a few helpful tips to get started.
Tip 1: Get Your Toddler Involved
Children love to take responsibility, so instead of making them feel left out, involving them with the newborn is a good idea. You can ask your older children to help change diapers, feed, and entertain the little one. Sibling rivalry towards a new baby starts when the older children feel ignored and left out.
My elder one loved to help me give a bath to the little one. It was his favorite activity, and he would look forward to it the whole day. By involving your children in baby-related activities, you will be making them a part of the process, and who doesn’t like having another helping hand while taking care of the baby?
Tip 2: Prioritize Your Time
Taking care of a newborn baby is tiresome and time-consuming, but don’t forget about your older children. You must prioritize your time and try to spend time equally with everyone. Sometimes favoring your older child over your newborn baby can also work wonders.
I used to tell my little one to wait for a diaper change because I was getting a snack for the older one. Sometimes I would let the elder one sit in your lap while safely placing the newborn in his baby bouncer.
Tip 3: Validate Your Toddler’s Feelings
Sibling rivalry toward a new baby mostly starts due to a lack of communication. Talking to your older kids and validating their feelings about having a new family member is essential. You can listen to their insecurities and fears and assure them about your presence and love for them.
Soon you will notice how your older children will stop being jealous and accept the little one with open arms. Research also shows that responsive parents help stimulate better communication skills in children. Sentences like “I know it’s hard for you but mommy still loves you,” and “It’s okay to be upset,I understand your feelings” will help your child.
Tip 4: Don’t Compare Your Children
As a parent, you must understand that every child has a different personality. Comparing your older one with the new baby or asking him to behave like his newborn sibling will only make matters worse.
No matter how annoying your toddler gets, you must understand that he is doing all this for your attention and love. So instead of comparing siblings, embrace each one’s personality and appreciate it.
Tip 5: Take Help From Friends
There is no harm in taking a break from your newborn and spending quality time with your older kids. You can ask a friend or a family member to take care of your newborn while you enjoy some fun time with your toddler.
We used to go out for a movie or spend some time on the playground while leaving the little one with my sister. Such intimate moments really made my elder one feel more important and loved.
Tip 6: Don’t Ask Your Older Kid to Act Like a Big Kid
Expecting your older one to start acting like a big kid is not a good idea. It will make him feel pressured and unwanted. He is still a child who seeks your attention just like your new baby.
The key to keeping sibling rivalry towards the new baby away is creating a balance of time and attention between your children.
Tip 7: Teamwork Is the Way to Go
Raising kids and taking care of the family is all about teamwork. As a mother, you must have the instinct to take control of everything, but you can’t. It is better to divide roles with your spouse and let things be relaxing for both parents.
According to research, parental teamwork results in improved children’s developmental outcomes. In my family, we discussed and decided on our duties from day 1. My husband’s job was to take care of the elder one, like taking him to the playground, ensuring he eats properly, and paying attention to him all the time.
Tip 8: Encourage Empathy
When older siblings show warmth and love it strongly encourages the development of empathy in the younger ones. In fact, it helps both siblings develop this very important life skill. To combat sibling rivalry towards the newborn, you can encourage your older one to be more empathetic and kind. Ask him questions about the baby and how he will have a friend to play with once the baby starts walking. You can also ask the older one to be gentler and more empathetic as the younger one will learn many things from him.
Tip 9: Understand Feelings
You will often find your older one whining and crying over little things. Children cannot put their feelings into words, so they cry for attention. It is their way to grieve over not being the only child anymore or not getting the chance to have alone time with you. The best thing to do is understand his feelings and acknowledge it.
Siblings Rivalry New Baby- The Answer Is Love
Love, attention, and kind words are ways to deal with sibling rivalry toward a new baby. The parents must treat all the children equally and pay closer attention to the older kids once the new baby arrives. Lastly, I’d like to share with you a helpful video about sibling rivalry by a certified psychologist.