I clearly remember the day I got a call about my son biting in daycare. I was about to go into a work meeting. We were just discussing some last-minute details when the phone rang.
There had been an incident, and Caterpillar, who was two at the time wanted to go home.
The last time I had received a call like this, another child had bit, my son on the arm over a toy he had wanted.
They hadn’t told me the child’s name since it was against Daycare’s policy. Of course, Caterpillar had complained about him all the way home.
He had clearly been traumatized. And the mama bear within me really wanted to have a good chat with the other mother.
Stressed about the meeting, and annoyed with the timing, I snapped at the caretaker. “Was it Jason again? Have you spoken to his mom?”
There was a slight pause on the phone.
Then the caretaker gently responded that it was my son who had done the biting.
Help! My Son Is Biting At Daycare
The drive over to the daycare was painful. I was embarrassed, confused, upset and hurt.
Did this make me a bad parent?
Did I not know how to parent?
Was I raising a future bully?
I was lucky though. The daycare I had so carefully selected was able to rein in my destructive thoughts.
Here are six excellent tips I learned from them and from other toddler parents.
This is my way of paying it forward. I would never want any parent to feel as terrible, alone, and upset as I did that day.
Tip 1: Don’t Be Hard On Yourself
While it may be hard to believe, many toddlers go through a phase of biting.
It is NOT the child being bad.
It is NOT your parenting style.
It is NOT your lack of love and care.
So, the first tip is to avoid blaming yourself. Also, don’t shame your child if he is biting in daycare. Spiraling into stress and self-doubt about your parenting will only prevent progress.
No one is judging your parenting, and if your child is biting at daycare, it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
Tip 2: Don’t Ignore the Problem
It may be tempting to ignore the issue. But a toddler on a biting spree is a problem that needs to be addressed.
A child’s biting is an instinctive reaction. There may be multiple reasons why a toddler might bite.
A child may bite because he wants attention or he wants to protect himself.
They could be overwhelmed with strong feelings and big emotions.
One couple told me initially that they refused to admit the child had done anything wrong. They told themselves that perhaps their child was playing. He was obsessed with dinosaurs at the time so it made sense to them. He didn’t really mean to bite the other child at daycare.
The idea was comforting, so they stuck with it. Then one day the caretakers sat them down and explained to them that this “strategy” was doing more harm than good. The repeated biting at daycare was leading to other problems. Other children were beginning to avoid their son, and he had trouble comprehending why.
They felt that the child was biting because he was teething. The pain was frustrating him and biting seemed to help. Once the parents understood the underlying problem, they were able to help their child by getting the right treatment.
Tip 3: Work With Daycare Staff
Building a healthy relationship with your child’s daycare staff is important. Some parents get defensive when informed of behavioral problems. They react and get into unhealthy arguments.
It is important to remember that both of you have the best intentions for the child. Working together and cooperating with the staff can help your child feel better.
When my son was bitten at daycare, the staff stuck to their policy of not disclosing the child’s name.
I was angry and wanted to have a good chat with the mother. It was only after I had calmed down that I truly understood the wisdom behind the policy.
The policy prevented other parents from developing a negative attitude towards the child and the mom.
Months later, at a playdate, I noticed Jason’s apprehensive mother hovering close to her child. She was ready to spring into action in case Jason felt overwhelmed.
I could see her trying to help her child and protect mine.
Tip 4: Understanding The Reasons Behind The Behavior
Two weeks after the first phone call, I received another email.
My son has struck again! This time his victim was an unsuspecting staff member.
“Oh no, he’s got a taste for humans!” I thought.
This was the same child who had refused to even lick the broccoli this morning. The reason? It was green.
However, he seemed to have no trouble sinking his teeth into the staff member’s green sweater.
But since I had been reading up on toddlers biting at daycare, I was prepared. I was better equipped to handle the situation. So I focused on Caterpillar’s reasons for biting at childcare.
Tip 5: Communicate, Communicate, and Communicate.
I cannot stress this enough: communicate with your child.
Notice how I use the word communicate and not “talk” to your child.
Many parents think of “talking” as giving a lecture or a speech about how biting is bad.
You need to ask questions, observe, and really listen to your child.
My toddler opened up to me after days. He began to tell me about his daycare troubles while we colored in his favorite coloring book.
It was days after the incident when he told me why he bit the teacher.
That was my chance to ask the right questions and help him gently reach his conclusions.
Another great way to connect with your child and help them is through books and stories on the subjects.
Tip 6: Use It As A Teaching Opportunity
Your toddler transitioning into a tiny, angry T-Rex may seem like a big problem right now. If your little one has only just started at childcare, you might event think this might be the worst age to start daycare. But try to look at it as an opportunity.
A child biting in daycare is a symptom of a problem. Take the chance to teach your child emotional regulation, self-control, and empathy.
Biting at Daycare – no need to panic but don’t ignore it
It is important to take the right approach when tackling this issue. Help your child learn how to manage his stress. Teach him to express his emotions in a healthy manner. Teach him how to communicate when there is a problem.
All these are lessons that will help him in his years of adulthood. After all, raising happy, healthy adults is the ultimate goal of parenting.